How You Remind Me
by Kagha
Summary: Songfic / Tahu reminisces on the actions and emotions and have led him up to where his is today. Orig. post date: 1/5/09


_Never made it as a wise man  
>I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing<em>

Tahu Nuva stood on thedeck of the Axalara T9-X, staring off into the gloomy horizon. Beneath him, a behemoth body of metal and protodermis soared undisturbed through the heavens, it's crimson frame vivid against the darkening sky. The airship vibrated with pulsations of energy running through hidden conduits, nearly as complex as the system of a living Rahi itself, and small shocks reverberated against the soles of his feet.

Tahu leaned against the railing, feeling the cool metal against his palms, and sniffed the air. It was thin, and damp, painfully nostalgic of the treetops of Le-Wahi, those ones nearest the coast. Tahu's brows drew together into a frown as those disturbing memories came back again, and the reasons that he had run away in the first place. Being of a Toa of Metru Nui had never appealed to Tahu all that much; simply spending the rest of his life in an office, regulating the same streets for all his days, dealing with tedious politics... this was not the life of a true Toa. Vakama would call him a fool, but that was all right with him. If being a fool was his hearts true desire, than so be it. Back on the island of Mata Nui, Tahu remembered those soft urges and guidance that had played in his mind, directing him to do the right thing whenever he felt out of control. The Great Spirit had been speaking to him then. Maybe it was Vakama's destiny, and his desire, to stay in Metru Nui and protect the Matoran.

But not Tahu, that was not a life for him. Like the dancing crest of a leaping flame, he needed to be free.

_Tired of living like a blind man__  
>I'm sick inside without a sense of feeling<em>

Tahu parted his lips, feeling suddenly suffocated, despite the infinity of air out here. Quickly, he raised his hand to his cheek and shook his head, trying to physically stimulate his focus to get his mind off those memories. He had told himself not to look back at them again; they would only bring him grief. But he knew in his heart he could never forget his friends, his family, and his people.

Sometimes, in the stretch of the day, Tahu would wonder if he'd made the right choice, just disappearing without informing them at all where he was going. He wondered if they would be able to understand. Vakama was strict, but he was always open to reason. Unfortunately, Tahu couldn't say he had any. It was merely his hearts urges that he was doing this. For all of his life, Tahu had only done what he was supposed to do, without question, like a mere robot, like what the Makuta of old had made him and all the Matoran out to be. For once, he wanted to taste what it was like to be his own person.

_And this is how you remind me  
>This is how you remind me<br>Of what I really am_

Of course, there were some people Tahu would really miss, the Toa of Fire mused sadly. A picture of the Toa Nuva of Water floated into his mind, and he had to bite on his lip to keep from sobbing. Noble, graceful Toa of Water, Gali Nuva. She had been the first Ga-Matoran to steal his heart, and she was the very one who taught him how to enjoy and appreciate life. Several years back, on the island of Mata Nui, Tahu still remembered all the experiences he had had. He had been no more than a child back then – perhaps not in body, but in mind. Gali had taught him much, and she had helped him mature. And in the process, Tahu had also learned how painful it was to love someone.

_This is how you remind me__  
>Of what I really am<em>

_It's not like you to say sorry_

_I was waiting on a different story__  
>This time I'm mistaken<em>_  
>For handing you a heart worth breaking<em>

He had not loved her from the start, no, of course not. That was unnatural; that love at first sight garbage was real only in the fairytales that Turaga told to keep their children entertained, Tahu thought with a smirk. No, he had come to adore her as time passed. Even in the most perilous of times, Tahu found himself growing fond of the Toa of Water.

And then she went ahead and broke his love into a million pieces. It was not too long after the Toa's triumph over Makuta that he had become overwhelmed with personal emotions. He had become more distant to his fellow Toa, lost in a storm of feelings. Gali, as he was sure all of them were too, was concerned, and consulted Tahu on his problems. Stupidly, he had blurted all of what he was feeling to her: his discomfort upon staying in Metru Nui, his resentment for the Turaga, his wish to leave, and also his long-harbored feelings toward her. And she had scorned him for it.

In his time, Tahu had tolerated many an injury. He had been battered down to his mask by ferocious Rahi, clobbered by Bohrok and Bohrok-Kal, poisoned, stabbed and infected, and still he never lost his sheer determination. But when Gali had attacked him with a few words, he had felt an agony he had never before experienced, more sharp than any physical wound could ever be. Stricken by despair, Tahu had immediately started preparing to leave. Gali had been the only one to know about this, and caught him just before departure. She had been in tears, and had apologized to him, pleading with him to stay.

But no matter, he had left anyway. He had stated his feelings, and she had stated hers. Whether it was destiny or just plain selfishness, Tahu knew what he had to do.

_And I've been wrong, I've been down__  
>Into the bottom of every bottle<em>_  
>These five words in my head<em>_  
>Scream "Are we having fun yet?"<em>

Tahu shook his head, stepping back from the railing and flopping down into a limestone bench. Fire, he thought; fire. Summoning his elemental power had always done good to help him when he was feeling low. He would call upon the flames and stare into them, pushing doubt into the back of his head and convincing himself to be as unyielding as fire.

As he stared into today's blaze, Tahu was once again hypnotized by the brilliance of the fire. The light gleaming from it pained his eyes, but the mesmerizing dance entranced him and forced him not to look away. It was not every Toa who could drown their sorrows in a cone of ignition.

This is not the worst of I've been, he reminded himself, still gazing at the flame. To any other being, the high amount of light would degrade their vision over time, but not a Toa of Fire.

I was in the apex of the danger when the entirety of the universe itself was in danger of extinction, he thought. I have faced the Dark Spirit himself and prevailed.

Tahu shook his head again. He was contradicting himself from his previous thoughts, but it was true. Besides, this was what he had wanted, wasn't it?

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no__  
>Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no<em>

_It's not like you didn't know that_

_I said I love you and I swear I still do_

It wasn't as if the Turaga Metru, and the other Toa Nuva, hadn't known about it. He had made it clear that he was uncomfortable, hadn't he? Sure enough, he thought; they wouldn't have thought I would run away.

Not for the first time, Tahu flinched at that term. Saying, "run away" made him sound cowardly, and being cowardly was something he would never accept as the self-center Toa of Fire. He had merely followed his heart, and it was as simple as that.

It wasn't as if he was sick of the Matoran or something. It wasn't because he was angry with his partners that he had left. When Gali had come to him, he had told her... he had told her that he was still devoted to the Matoran of Metru Nui. He had told her that he still cared for the other Nuva, and he had had told her that he had loved her, especially. And he still did, all of those things. He just needed time, time to find himself, time to do something with his life. Wasn't that understandable?

_But it must have been so bad__  
>Cause living with me must have darn near killed you<em>

By now, the fire had escalated from his hand all the way up to the lip of the cabin roof, and was shredding in the wind, throwing sparks all over the place and doing a spectacular dance of light. Tahu had been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't kept track of his elemental energy; a nearby airship could see this as some sort of flare, and come to him. Tahu had no need for assistance, or company, so the idea didn't generally appeal to him. He closed his hand and quenched his elemental energy, causing the flame to vanish.

Thinking back to Metru Nui, he truly had done them a favor. Should he have stayed there, he would've only caused problems. Distracted by his emotions, who knew what might've happened?

Tahu sighed, reaching up and covering his mask with his hands. He didn't want to think about it anymore, lest he drive himself insane. He guessed he wasn't accustomed to having a normal life. Fear and hurt were a natural part of the mix, but throughout it all, Tahu still loved his people, and he still loved Gali. Had it not been for them, he would not be where he was right now, and for that, he owed his life to them. And when he came back... if he came back ...it would not be a grudge, but a gratitude that he held for them.

Tahu shut his eyes, exhausted. Twilight had fell, and a night blue sky embraced him, cloudless and sprinkled with shining stars. Starlight danced over his armor, and though he knew his troubles would never fade, today Tahu was content with himself.

_Gali, I still love you. Metru Nui, you are still my home. And that __will never change._

As the night closed around him, Tahu's heartflash slowed to a steady rate, and his consciousness fell away as the blanket of sleep embraced him.

_And this is how you remind me_  
><em>Of what I really am<em>  
><em>This is how you remind me<em>  
><em>Of what I really am<em>

_It's not like you to say sorry_

_I was waiting on a different story_  
><em>This time I'm mistaken<em>  
><em>For handing you a heart worth breaking<em>

_I've been wrong, I've been down_

_Into the bottom of every bottle_

_These five words in my head_

_Scream "Are we having fun yet?"_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no_

_Never made it as a wise man_

_I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing_  
><em>And this is how you remind me<em>  
><em>This is how you remind me<em>

_This is how you remind me_

_Of what I really am_  
><em>This is how you remind me<em>  
><em>Of what I really am<em>

_It's not like you to say sorry_

_I was waiting on a different story_  
><em>This time I'm mistaken<em>  
><em>For handing you a heart worth breaking<em>

_And I've been wrong, I've been down_

_To the bottom of every bottle_  
><em>These five words in my head<em>  
><em>Scream "Are we having fun yet?"<em>

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, Are we having fun yet?_  
><em>Yeah, yeah, yeah, Are we having fun yet?<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah, yeah, Are we having fun yet?<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah, yeah, Are we having fun yet?<em>


End file.
